This is so, so correct and good. I need to implement this more. I work at a corporate job and have worked remote since the pandemic. I have gotten so used to starting virtual Teams meetings with my internal partners the same way. The “how was your weekend?” “Oh it was pretty good” and then diving into the agreed upon task we set aside this specific 30 minutes for. And I wonder why I’m not building connections. Making specificities my goal for the remainder of 2025 thank you very much
appreciate you making me see small talk in a different light. sharing a specific detail is a good way to make people curious about you. i also think remembering little details about the other person is also a good way for them to open up to you. cause sometimes i don’t wanna talk about myself, ya know?
This puts into words perfectly how I feel! I relate to the feeling you describe in this line: "You don’t want to share small moments because it feels selfish to discuss something so uninteresting." I also feel like I'm oversharing and wasting someone's time.
I really love: "It’s not just self-serving to delve deep into your own minutia, it’s a gift to your potential friend, an invitation to share back at a level that matters as opposed to “weekend was good! We went to a party.”
I want to get over the fear of people thinking I'm oversharing and instead shift into a mindset of simply sharing, and start encouraging my friends to share the specifics too.
For me it's *finding* the people you want to make into your friends. I've always been a big oversharer and giving too many details is my bread and butter!
Dang. Claire, you nailed it on the head with this post. Be specific! Yes. I am 2 1/2 years into living in a "new" place (after years in NYC) and making friends is proving difficult. I have had some more recent success with meeting a couple women and I find myself being very specific in what I share, hoping to bridge more connection. I was kind of wondering if I was being weird, but I feel better reading this post! I shall keep being specific and trusting my instincts!
Love this! As a chronic oversharer, my friends have told me that I’m good at being intentional about this (for better or for worse) and I was just admiring a new friendship where we both jumped right in. It does wonders for connection!
I heard once someone say, "How you spend your days is how you spend your life," and this feels like the application of that to actually connect with people. Like physics:applied mathematics.
Wow I loved reading this! Thanks so much for getting these thoughts on paper. I too hate what a bad rap small talk gets and really enjoyed how you framed it.
This is so, so correct and good. I need to implement this more. I work at a corporate job and have worked remote since the pandemic. I have gotten so used to starting virtual Teams meetings with my internal partners the same way. The “how was your weekend?” “Oh it was pretty good” and then diving into the agreed upon task we set aside this specific 30 minutes for. And I wonder why I’m not building connections. Making specificities my goal for the remainder of 2025 thank you very much
this is so gorgeous and rich and I needed it!!!
appreciate you making me see small talk in a different light. sharing a specific detail is a good way to make people curious about you. i also think remembering little details about the other person is also a good way for them to open up to you. cause sometimes i don’t wanna talk about myself, ya know?
This puts into words perfectly how I feel! I relate to the feeling you describe in this line: "You don’t want to share small moments because it feels selfish to discuss something so uninteresting." I also feel like I'm oversharing and wasting someone's time.
I really love: "It’s not just self-serving to delve deep into your own minutia, it’s a gift to your potential friend, an invitation to share back at a level that matters as opposed to “weekend was good! We went to a party.”
I want to get over the fear of people thinking I'm oversharing and instead shift into a mindset of simply sharing, and start encouraging my friends to share the specifics too.
“The opposite of small talk is specific talk, and it is my humble submission in the war on loneliness.” LOVE this!
Thanks for these thoughts and for giving me permission to be specific! Excited to try this out and see how friendships grow!
I love this SO MUCH keep it coming
this is so beautiful and resonant it made me tear up!! ‘There is universal in the specific’ YES
For me it's *finding* the people you want to make into your friends. I've always been a big oversharer and giving too many details is my bread and butter!
Wish I had something equally articulate to say about how fantastic this is, but wow YES !
Dang. Claire, you nailed it on the head with this post. Be specific! Yes. I am 2 1/2 years into living in a "new" place (after years in NYC) and making friends is proving difficult. I have had some more recent success with meeting a couple women and I find myself being very specific in what I share, hoping to bridge more connection. I was kind of wondering if I was being weird, but I feel better reading this post! I shall keep being specific and trusting my instincts!
Love this! As a chronic oversharer, my friends have told me that I’m good at being intentional about this (for better or for worse) and I was just admiring a new friendship where we both jumped right in. It does wonders for connection!
I heard once someone say, "How you spend your days is how you spend your life," and this feels like the application of that to actually connect with people. Like physics:applied mathematics.
Wow I loved reading this! Thanks so much for getting these thoughts on paper. I too hate what a bad rap small talk gets and really enjoyed how you framed it.
This is exactly it!
yes!!!